A Scary Day for Vegeta
by Blue Devils 44
Summary: Vegeta snaps when something precious is taken away from him, making him think that he is.....well, you have to read it to find out, now dont you...


Disclaimer- I don't own DBZ.   
  
One day, as Vegeta calmly lay tanning on the back porch in his stunning black speedos, he dreamed of rainbows and fluffy kittens as he ignored Bulma's screaming. he couldn't understand why she was so upset. he put his sun glasses on and he closed his eyes. he sat there, recalling the early morning's events...  
  
Earlier that day:  
  
"EEEEEEK!" Vegeta screamed as a tiny daddy long legs spider crawled across the floor. "BULMA! KILL IT! EEEEK! ITS COMING THIS WAY!!!"  
Vegeta all of a sudden realized who he was. Shakily, he powered up and blast the tiny arachnid to smithereens, along with more than half of the living room.  
He hadn't any time to react before Bulma ran into the room. Vegeta sighed happily wiping sweat from his forehead.  
"That was a close one!" he exclaimed, looking rather silly standing there in bunny slippers and a speedo.  
Bulma just stood there, turning a darker shade of red by each passing second. vegeta calmly picked up the morning paper and headed out to the back yard, whistling a happy tune on his way.  
"VEGETA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bulma screamed. Vegeta nearly fell over as her scream shook the ground beneath his feet.  
"Uh oh," he mumbled. "her comes the b*tch queen from hell,again..."  
  
  
Back to the present:  
"Why aren't you listening to me!?" Bulma screeched. By now, most of the town could hear her griping. Vegeta looked in her direction, then went back to the more important things in life: tanning.   
All of sudden, Piccolo stormed out of the brush wearing a pink bath robe, nice bath slippers and a shower cap over the rollers on his head (Why he has rollers? we'll never know...) w/ his little antennas sticking out. He was complete with a nice facial mask and all.  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY, you damned old hag!" He yelled at Bulma. "Do you think it's EASY keeping my lovely green skin this beautiful!?" Bulma just looked at him, more surprised by his appearance than his comment. Then Piccolo lay down next to vegeta, removed two cucumber slices from the pockets on his robe and placed them on his eyes.  
"You blew up half the house again didn't you, you quaint little monkey?" Piccolo said relaxing.  
By this time Bulma has had a massive coronary from this little episode and is being wheeled away by the ambulance that have suddenly appeared out of nowhere.   
A loud wailing noise is heard and Vegeta rises from his comfortable position. It's poor little Trunks.  
"Gonna go take care of the crap factory?" Piccolo asked. Vegeta pulled down his glasses so he could look the Namek in the eyes.  
"Hell, no," he replied. flipping over to even out his tan. but the whining and crying persisted so, after some not so gentle persuasion from Piccolo (which included Piccolo giving Vegeta a major weggie ), he got up rubbing his cute little butt, and walked into the house, only to discover the child crawling around the floor after having escaped his crib. And much to Vegeta's horror, Trunks was holding the one thing he held near and dear to his heart:  
His life-size Mandy Moore blow up doll, complete with big boobs, a tiny halter, and matching accessories........and the little two-year-old had chewed a hole in it.  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Vegeta bellowed powering up to SSJ 2. "MANDY!" He had never been more infuriated in his whole entire life. Not even when his home planet had been destroyed. The one thing he had truly 'loved', as humans claimed, was destroyed. All of a sudden, something snapped inside Vegeta's mind. 'No. It's all super,' the prince of saiya-jins thought to himself.  
Piccolo heard his cries of anguish and ran into the house, his cucumber slices flying in different directions, only to find a silent Vegeta on the ground and a very smelly baby Trunks giggling.  
"Wha....ugh!" Piccolo said taking a whiff of the smell assaulting his senses. "Geez, take a bath kid."  
He staggered over to Vegeta, while being nearly overpowered by the smell.  
"Are you ok?" he asked, rather bewildered.   
Vegeta's only reply was...  
"Jiggly puff!"   
(insert dramatic music here)  
Piccolo just stared...  
"You're kidding me right?" Piccolo sneered at Vegeta who dumbly stared back at him. Then Vegeta smiled a ..*gulp*.. innocent smile. Piccolo backed away in horror and screamed one of those really good blood curdling screams done by a woman about to die but only heard in movie theaters.  
"Get back! Back, I say! BACK!" Piccolo commanded but to no avail.  
"Jiggly puff!" Vegeta exclaimed again. Squatting on the ground, he moved forward on his hands and knees, closer to Piccolo, cornering the poor green guy   
"AHHHHH!" Piccolo yelled as Vegeta hugged him. "Get him off! Get him off!" Then Bulma came in a on wheel chair with an IV attatched to her arm.  
"HELP!" Piccolo squealed as Vegeta stayed latched onto him.  
"Oh, kami! What the HELL are you doing, Vegeta!?" Bulma cried furiously. Vegeta's...or shall we say, Veggie Puff's head snapped around at the voice.  
"Jiggly puff!!!" he screeched. He stood up and ripped off his speedo. Blasting a hole through the roof, a buck wild Vegeta flew out and into the sky.   
An emotionally scarred Piccolo sat whimpering on the floor while an already unstable Bulma had yet another massive heart attack. And of course, an ambulance appeared out of no where and she was rushed away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Vegeta flew into the sky bewildered. He thought that the blue haired tyrant was going to eat him, the cute little thing he was. Then the author realized that Jiggly Puff can not fly so Vegeta fell flailing to the ground. (Jiggly Puff can float.....hehe.)  
And who's house did he happen to land in? None other than Goku's. There was a loud crash as Vegeta smashed through the roof and into the kitchen, where the Son family was quietly enjoying breakfast.  
Now you can just imagine what a site this was for the poor family. To have a naked Vegeta fall through your ceiling would have to be quite disturbing.  
Chichi, always ready, reached for her frying pan. Gohan could only stare at the very naked Vegeta sitting in the eggs.  
"Jiggly puff!" Vegeta smiled. Goku, still finishing his very large breakfast, hadn't even bothered to notice that Vegeta, in the buff, had his butt in Goku's face.  
"Chichi! Can you pass me the..." Goku said trailing off as he looked up.  
"Now THAT is the only thing that can ruin MY appetite!" Goku said with a laugh. Then he realized Vegeta's derrierre was in his face.  
"AHHH!" he yelled, jumping back from the table.   
"I got 'em!" Chichi yelled as she carefully neared Vegeta so she could whack him over the head with her handy dandy frying pan. Vegeta just turned and looked at her. Then he smiled.  
"Jiggly puff!" he squealed with delight, rolling around on the table.   
"EEK!" Chichi screamed as she dropped her frying pan and ran to Goku. Gohan was still seated at the table.  
"Dear, Kami! That must've been some really stong sh*t Mr.Piccolo gave me to smoke last night!" Gohan said smiling to himself. He leaned back, relaxing, watching the show continue.  
"Gohan! Are you on drugs!?" Chichi yelled. A dazed Gohan looked her way.  
"Uhh....no?" he said, quite frightened now.   
"Vegeta?" Goku said, a bit frightened, hell, VERY frightened by the sight of this naked saiya-jin sitting on his kitchen table.  
"Jiggly puff?" Vegeta replied. He grinned like the goof ball he was.  
"RIGHT..." Goku said. "Vegeta?"  
The very naked Vegeta started huffing, trying to inflate himself in order to float, but all he succeeded in was making himself turn blue.  
"JIGGLY PUFF!" Vegeta yelled in frustration.  
"Jiggly Puff?" Goku said, taking a step towards the table. Vegeta looked at him, as if asking him what he wanted.  
"Goku, I think Vegeta's cheese has slid off his cracker!" Chichi yelled.   
"Cheese?! Where? Food! I'm hungry!!!" Goku yelled, his attention now averted from Vegeta.  
"Oh, shut up and stop thinking about your apetite, you baka!" she yelled at him.  
"Um, Jiggly Puff?" Chichi said softly to Vegeta.  
"Jiggly Puff?"  
"Um, yeah, come with me, you poor thing," she said leading him to the bedroom. After 45 minutes, she finally had him dressed and appropriate as he would get.  
Chichi and Goku called Bulma, Piccolo, and Kurinin.   
Once again, Bulma wheeled in the Son's front door, now attatched to numerous eerie medical things.   
"What the hell is going on!?" she cried, wheeling herself into the kitchen.   
"Well, I am pretty damned hungry," Goku whined. "But that's about it!"  
"You are such an idiot Goku," Chichi griped.  
"Food? Where!?" he cried.  
"Up you a**!" Bulma yelled. Big mistake. With Bulma's last comment, Goku started acting like a dog chasing it's tail, while trying to retrieve the food that obviously was NOT there. He continued to do this till he feel to the floor, looking quite exasperated and a sort of pea green color.  
"Bulma! What happened to you!?" Chichi cried running over to her friend.   
"Oh the same thing Vegeta usually does to me: literally give me a heart attack," She sighed, but then smiled saying, "But at least I didn't have four like the last time when he and Master Roshi got high and set the house on fire!"  
"Right..." Chichi said, smiling fakely.  
Then a loud bang was heard. Krillin walked into the kitchen.  
"Damn it, Chichi! What the hell do you want! I got's ho's to smack and money to collect!" he yelled as he entered the room.  
"Oooooookay, Kurinin," Chichi said. Krillin was wearing tight, black leather pants, a large, hot pink, fuzzy trench coat and gold loafers. Each finger was adorned with oversized gaudy golden rings,and his two front teeth (does Krillin have teeth?!) were gold plated. He had a gold cane in his hand, and a .....um... 'escort' on wach arm. Atop his large bald head was a purple cowboy hat with a large feather sticking out the back.  
"Watch, ya self, beotch, it's Pimpmaster Krillin to you!" he snapped at Chichi.  
"Um, yeah," She replied.  
"And speakin' of which, you owe me money you crack head ho!" Krillin....I mean, Pimpmaster Krillin said while smacking her up side the head with his pimp cane.   
"I know, I know! Not now!" She yelled feebly. Bulma just looked at her.  
Goku sauntered up to one of the 'escorts' Pimpmaster Krillin had.  
"What's happenin' hot stuff?" he said winking at her. Chichi slowly reached for her frying pan.  
"Wanna see what a saiya-jin can do for you?" Goku smiled, pinching the ho's butt.  
WHAM.  
That's when Goku received Chichi's frying pan. And he also received a blow to the no-no spot from Pimpmaster Krillin's cane.  
"Looksies, no feelsies without couhgin' up the doh! And you owe me money anyway, you stupid a** monkey!"  
WHAM. (I would've hit him over the head again, too!)  
Then Piccolo walked in, wearing the same attire he had earlier (minus the cucumbers, though...).  
"Can't a Namek get some friggin' peace and quiet around here!" he bellowed.  
By that time, they all noticed the deranged Vegeta.  
"Jiggly Puff?" he squeaked.  
"You!" Piccolo squealed, jumping atop Goku. Vegeta cocked his head to the side and grinned his silly grin. And with that, Vegeta took one big SUPER big puff, inflated like a balloon, and floated his pudgy a** towards the hole in the ceiling.  
"Oh, no you don't!" Gohan cried coming out of his trance, retrieving the over-inflated Vegeta from the air. (You'd be traumatized, too, if a naked guy landed on your breakfast plate! Though I don't think I'd be in that bad of shape if a naked Vegeta landed in my cornflakes...)  
Then, they all went to Dr. Briefs, with the exception of Pimpmaster Krillin, who had ho's to smack, money to make, and other pimpin' things to take care of. Dr.Briefs told them that Vegeta had suffered a severe psychotic and traumatizing breakdown and had somehow come to believed he was Jiggly Puff.  
"What can we do!?" Bulma cried.  
"Oh, that's easy, you baka!" cried Goku. This was the first time since his...um, butt chasing expedition that he had mentioned anything but food.  
"Use the dragon balls!" they all exclaimed cheesily at the same time.   
"You know," Piccolo said, "Why not use the wishes greedily against FUNimation morals for ourselves, instead of for the ill-tempered little monkey!? MWHAHAHAHA!" He threw back his head and laughed a demented, sinister laugh, as lighting cracked somewhere far off in the distance.  
"Shut up, you green baka!" Chichi yelled. "We were gonna do that anyway, DUH!"  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere....  
"Hold on, it's coming!" Yajirobe yelled though clenched teeth. All of a sudden, the ground began to shake. Dende watched on in awe.  
"ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Yajirobe screamed.  
Then........................   
*PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT*  
Yajirobe keeled over, quite exhausted but very amused, laughing his head off.  
"HOT DAMN!" Dende said, his eyes watering from the stench that had just erupted from Yajirobe's back side.  
  
Back to the main story.....  
  
After going through the whole long summoning process, yada yada yada... the Eternal Dragon granted the group their 2 wishes:   
1- for Chichi never ever be able to utter another word from her beotchy mouth.  
2- (and out of their pity) for Krillin to have hair.  
  
Goku and Gohan lived peacefully now, as Gohan didn't have to study so much and Goku was okay except for the ever so occasional frying pan that got hit over his head by Chichi. Piccolo went on to start the famous "Namekian Beauty Parlor" and got very, very rich. After Krillin gained his new luxiourious hair, he became the Superpimp of the universe, making any hos in debt cringe with fear and he acquired the galaxy's largest collection of fuzzy neon colored pimp coats. Bulma lived a little more peacefully with 'Veggie Puff', and never suffered from any major heart problems again. Trunks was never told about this whole ordeal or the blow up doll. When he got older, it was explained to him that Vegeta had acquired a big a** blow to the head.  
As for Vegeta, well.....he went on being a poor, weak pokemon.........  
  
  
6 Years Later....  
"What's this?" Trunks said to himslef, picking up a very dusty pile of rubber. He was now eight. he was wandering around the dusty attic looking for anything he could amuse himself with while his parents were at the grocery store.  
"It's......ooooh!" Trunks said picking up his father's old life-size Mandy Moore blow up doll, complete with big boobs, a tiny halter, and matching accessories. (Now imagine Trunks drooling over this like Home Simpson drools over Duff beer...hehehe.) He immidiately repaired and inflated it and began waltzing all over the house with 'Mandy', fantasizing what it would be like to actually meet the pop star.  
All of a sudden, Bulma and 'Veggie Puff'walked in, to find a delirious boy dancing with an inflated doll.  
Veggie Puff's eyes centered on the doll. He stood up straight and uttered a single word.....  
"Mr. Popo!!!" he cried running towards the doll.  
OK, here where it gets weird (not that it wasn't weird in the first place...). For no reason in particular, Vegeta is now running through a field of flowers in Piccolo's direction, and Piccolo in Vegeta's direction. The rest of the gang are about 20 feet away, clapping and cheering. Piccolo is dressed in a beautiful white wedding gown and Vegeta is in a tux. This is all in slow motion. They fianlly collide and the two baka's get knocked and lay there....  
Back in reality, Vegeta is passionately making out with the 'revived Mandy'. Bulma comes and slaps him upside the head.  
"What was that for!?" he yelled, infuriated. Yes, Vegeta was definfitely back. Then he looked around, puzzled.  
"What's going on!? Who the hell is that kid!? Where is my speedo and bunny slippers!? And most of all, damn it, woman, where are my pancakes!?" he yelled. Bulma, who was just staring, has another massive heart attack and is rushed away by the mysterious ambulance. Trunks just stands there.  
Vegeta is gone and back in a flash in his speedos and bunny slippers and goes out back to tan with Piccolo who has kept the same fashion as he had six years ago.  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere....  
  
Dende has long since died from the horrible outburst that came from Yajirobe's butt 6 years ago. Yajirobe is now just skin and bones due to the fact that he is too lazy to get up off his butt and go grocery shopping. (That was Dende's job).  
Then....  
*pffffft*  
"Heh,heheheh,hehe..."   
  
  
Fin.  
  



End file.
